Reciprocity Game

What it is

A facilitation game developed within the microsolidarity practice tradition. Crew members each name a current need and a current gift. The group then plays rounds of making and accepting offers based on those needs and gifts. By the end, the group has produced real commitments and also surfaced patterns: who finds it hard to ask, who can't stop giving, where the flow is stuck.

It is part party game, part group therapy, part agreement-renegotiation. It is one of the best tools for unsticking a crew that has plateaued.

Why it works

Many crews drift into imbalance over time. One person becomes the helper. One becomes the helped. Resentments build that no one names. The game makes the underlying pattern visible because it asks everyone, in the same moment, the same questions. Patterns that were invisible become impossible to miss.

What you need

• Time: 2 to 3 hours per session. Done monthly or quarterly works well.
• People: 3 to 8 people in an established crew. Strangers can play but the depth comes from existing trust.
• Space: A comfortable gathering space with privacy. Around a table works.
• Materials: Written cards for offers and needs (index cards). A facilitator guide. Reflection prompts.
• Skills: Active listening, vulnerability, creative problem-solving, willingness to commit.
• Energy level: Moderate to high. Emotionally engaging but generative.

How to host it

1. Choose a facilitator. Someone in the crew or an outsider. The facilitator participates lightly but holds the form.
2. Open with a check-in. Each person, briefly: how are you arriving, what's been heavy or light lately.
3. Write your need. Each person, silently, on a card: a current need. Material (a place to stay next month, money for X), emotional (a witness for something hard), skill (help writing a hard email, learning a software), social (an introduction, a partner for a trip).
4. Write your gift. Same, on another card: something you can offer. A skill, time, a resource, attention, an introduction, a space.
5. Share. Round-robin, each person reads their need and their gift. Listen without commenting.
6. Play rounds. Anyone can make an offer: "I can do X for your need." The receiver can accept, decline, or modify. If accepted, the pair writes down the commitment with a specific follow-through date.
7. Notice patterns. Halfway through, the facilitator asks: who has made many offers? Who has accepted few? Who has asked? Who hasn't? Don't judge; just notice.
8. Reflect together. Last 30 minutes. What did you learn about your own asking and giving? What did you learn about the crew? What needs to shift?
9. Confirm commitments. Each accepted offer becomes a real follow-through with a real date. Track them. Check in on them next meeting.

Variations

Two-person version. Done as a one-on-one exercise. Useful for romantic partners, business partners, or any two-person relationship.

Larger group version. Up to 12 with strong facilitation. Past that, breaks into smaller groups.

Theme version. All needs and gifts within a particular domain: money, time, creative work, emotional support. Useful for crews focused on one shared project.

Quarterly cadence. Played 3 or 4 times a year as a regular practice. Each cycle catches what changed.

Stories from neighborhoods

A Toronto crew of social workers used the Reciprocity Game to address unspoken resentment about labor imbalance. Playing it revealed that one member felt unable to receive help and another felt obligated to give constantly. After the game, they renegotiated their agreements and established explicit time-banking. The crew survived. Without the game, it probably wouldn't have.

The game has been adopted by crews across Europe and North America as part of regular microsolidarity practice. The most thorough write-up is in Richard Bartlett's third Microsolidarity essay.

Where to learn more

• Original write-up: Richard Bartlett, "The Reciprocity Game"
• Adjacent recipes: [Microsolidarity Crew](./microsolidarity-crew.md), [Time Banking](../03-mutual-aid/timebanking.md)

Details

• steps: **Choose a facilitator.** Someone in the crew or an outsider. The facilitator participates lightly but holds the form., **Open with a check-in.** Each person, briefly: how are you arriving, what's been heavy or light lately., **Write your need.** Each person, silently, on a card: a current need. Material (a place to stay next month, money for X), emotional (a witness for something hard), skill (help writing a hard email, learning a software), social (an introduction, a partner for a trip)., **Write your gift.** Same, on another card: something you can offer. A skill, time, a resource, attention, an introduction, a space., **Share.** Round-robin, each person reads their need and their gift. Listen without commenting., **Play rounds.** Anyone can make an offer: "I can do X for your need." The receiver can accept, decline, or modify. If accepted, the pair writes down the commitment with a specific follow-through date., **Notice patterns.** Halfway through, the facilitator asks: who has made many offers? Who has accepted few? Who has asked? Who hasn't? Don't judge; just notice., **Reflect together.** Last 30 minutes. What did you learn about your own asking and giving? What did you learn about the crew? What needs to shift?, **Confirm commitments.** Each accepted offer becomes a real follow-through with a real date. Track them. Check in on them next meeting.
• file path: recipes/02-small-groups-for-support/reciprocity-game.md
• variations: **Two-person version.** Done as a one-on-one exercise. Useful for romantic partners, business partners, or any two-person relationship. **Larger group version.** Up to 12 with strong facilitation. Past that, breaks into smaller groups. **Theme version.** All needs and gifts within a particular domain: money, time, creative work, emotional support. Useful for crews focused on one shared project. **Quarterly cadence.** Played 3 or 4 times a year as a regular practice. Each cycle catches what changed.
• ingredients: {"time":"2 to 3 hours per session. Done monthly or quarterly works well.","space":"A comfortable gathering space with privacy. Around a table works.","people":"3 to 8 people in an established crew. Strangers can play but the depth comes from existing trust.","skills":"Active listening, vulnerability, creative problem-solving, willingness to commit.","materials":"Written cards for offers and needs (index cards). A facilitator guide. Reflection prompts.","energy_level":"Moderate to high. Emotionally engaging but generative."}
• where to learn more: - Original write-up: [Richard Bartlett, "The Reciprocity Game"](https://medium.com/microsolidarity/microsolidarity-part-3-the-reciprocity-game-4109e702a07d) - Adjacent recipes: [Microsolidarity Crew](./microsolidarity-crew.md), [Time Banking](../03-mutual-aid/timebanking.md)
• stories from neighborhoods: **A Toronto crew of social workers** used the Reciprocity Game to address unspoken resentment about labor imbalance. Playing it revealed that one member felt unable to receive help and another felt obligated to give constantly. After the game, they renegotiated their agreements and established explicit time-banking. The crew survived. Without the game, it probably wouldn't have. The game has been adopted by crews across Europe and North America as part of regular microsolidarity practice. The most thorough write-up is in [Richard Bartlett's third Microsolidarity essay](https://medium.com/microsolidarity/microsolidarity-part-3-the-reciprocity-game-4109e702a07d).